my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
