i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
