I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
