i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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