I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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