the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
