i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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