i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
