I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
