There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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