Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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