I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The uberlube is also flammable
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
