I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize