So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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