If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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