We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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