Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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