OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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