he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
