Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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