sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
