apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
