some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
