you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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