I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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