if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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