Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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