I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
