A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
