I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
