My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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