Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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