put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
