Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
