did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think i just lost a toe
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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