So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
