They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize