What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i think i just lost a toe
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
