You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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