His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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