My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
jump out the window naked night went bad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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