Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize