First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
