Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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