Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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