Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
