It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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