my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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