my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just puked most of my soul out..
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