we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
