I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
