Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Less talking, more tequila
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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