I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
