But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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