I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
