I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
