How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
