Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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