Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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