no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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