She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
