my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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