I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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