I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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