So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
