WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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