I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
