I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize