I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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