I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
