I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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