We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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