just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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