I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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