she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
