Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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